Secrets, Lies and Fertility

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Over the last 15 years I’ve spent a lot of time listening to the stories of couples going through infertility.

The one thing that’s really struck me recently is the shame and secrecy that still surrounds infertility.

I’m talking about the feelings many people feel but rarely dare to admit. A big one is the feeling of inadequacy.

“Will I be enough, if I don’t have a baby?”

The media is plastered with images of “successful” women, who “have it all” – The perfect job, the perfect husband, and two perfect children.

As one of my patient’s, Katie, said:

“You question your marriage, you question yourself as a woman. ‘Am I am ever going to be a mum?”

You can hear Katie talking more about her journey in the video below:


A few months ago a patient told me that every time she saw a woman on the tube with a “Baby on Board” badge she felt an uncontrollable anger.

“I want to be pleased for her” she said “but I just have this urge to go up to her and say “Well good for you! Aren’t you clever?”

“Does that make me a bad person?”

“No, not at all.” I said “In fact it makes you very normal.”

You see the truth is most of the woman I treat have these kinds of feeling of resentment all the time.

Free email series: “Secrets, Lies and Fertility”

- Have you ever had pangs of guilt after you learned a friend was pregnant and your first reaction was one of jealousy and “Why not me?”

- Did you know the statistic that your fertility suddenly drops at age 35 is actually based on data that is over 100 years old? 

- The IVF industry would like you to believe that there's nothing you can do to increase your fertility naturally.

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